The Gift of Change

by Craig Wong - GUM Newsletter, Winter 2011

"Whenever the cloud lifted from above the tent, the Israelites set out; wherever the cloud settled, the Israelites encamped."
- Numbers 9:18

My cohorts and I find ourselves in the midst of change. Our church and nonprofit offices have been relocated three miles from our neighborhood, things are still in boxes and, to make things worse, telephone and internet access has been problematic at best.  Our place of worship is moving to a location in the opposite direction, and into the sanctuary of a parish culturally different than ours. The start time of our Sunday service is changing, to an hour considerably earlier than our bodies are used to. Our clocks are off, our routines decimated. In short, we’re in the throes of a major building renovation.
 
But the physical building is not the only thing being deconstructed.  So are the things we do, and the way we do them.  Ministries and programs we’ve faithfully, if perhaps mechanically, slogged away at for years need to be significantly altered or even, in some cases, indefinitely suspended.  Such change, especially for those of us most given to the familiar and predictable, can be quite threatening.  We’re addicted to knowing what tomorrow will look like. 
 
One example of “ministry upheaval” has been our beloved after-school tutoring program which has served children of both church and neighborhood for nearly 14 years.  For those who have devoted many years in this outreach, questions abound.  What will happen to the children once the program goes on hiatus?  Will the relationships continue without the weekly structure?  How about our relationships as a tutoring team?  Do I even have a ministry if I’m no longer tutoring children?  Will we even have an afterschool ministry again after the building renovation and, if so, what will it look like? 
   
Such questions can feel quite unsettling, especially when our sense of security, identity or worth becomes wrapped up in the ministries we’ve invested in.  But we’re finding that when we’re in touch with these feeling, we can recognize the work of the Spirit, mercifully exposing the idols that God wants to liberate us from.  We can then repent from  such counterfeits, whether our need for significance, sense of accomplishment, or the circumvention of failure.  Freed from their tyranny, we can trust God in new ways. 

In this season of disorientation, the book of Numbers has been particularly meaningful. We resonate with the stubborn band of Israelites who wants the Promised Land yet keep looking back, when the going gets tough, to provision under imperial Egypt.  Or the initial excitement, and disciplined preparation, for the journey ahead that quickly gives way to complaining, finger-pointing, and waning confidence in the leaders that Yahweh has appointed among them. Or the well-meaning Reubenites and Gadites who choose to settle for less and miss the best.  We learn that it is not so easy to watch for the cloud above our tent and wait...or move forward...as the Lord dictates.  But when we do, we discover a God whose ways are far bigger than ours.